Choose to see kindness…

 

“I wish I’d recorded what happened!”

…this is something I always think after an argument with my husband. (And yes, we do argue!)

Our version of events always seems SOOOO different, that my science-driven brain always craves for the ‘hard evidence’ of what actually happened!

(Yet, I’m not sure seeing a recording would be helpful anyway….)

But what WOULD be helpful?

 

Yoga off the mat…

“Why are you talking about relationships?” You may ask. “Isn’t this a YOGA blog?”

Yoga is more than stretching on the mat. It’s also the way you show up in your life, your relationships and the wider world.

That’s why I decided to write about this topic today.

Regular practice of yoga asanas (poses), mindful breathing, self-inquiry and treating yourself and the world around you with love and kindness is ALL part of the yogic lifestyle.

Doing the yoga poses regularly themselves will really help you cultivate more patience and kindness to yourself and others.

However…. Sometimes our reactive brains could use a little EXTRA guidance!

So here it is!

 

Choose to see kindness

I’ve learned from my friend, and fellow BendyWife member, that how we see the world around us is merely a VERSION of it, filtered through our own brain.

It’s NOT fact. …it’s fiction!

And we can CHOOSE which version of reality will give us the most peaceful and loving outcomes.

Naomi helps people to massively improve any relationship (not just with a partner/spouse). The following is a little guest blog that she has written for us!

The examples she gives are about her and her husband. However, this message is just as relevant to a relationship between siblings, children and parents, friends, and colleagues.

 

Naomi says:

Fact or Fiction?

If there are things about a relationship you have that you’re unhappy with right now try this:

  • Check the version of events you’re telling yourself and
  • Ask yourself why you’re choosing this version?

I meet with my clients weekly and run all their relationship struggles and stresses through a Fact/Fiction exercise.

The Facts are what we can prove in a Court of Law.  Anything else is your opinion and this is what we call The Fiction.

Your opinion determines the meaning you give to the actions of the other person and that creates how you feel.

I ask my clients “What are you CHOOSING to think and feel about your partner and how does this influence how you interact with them?”

I’ll show this in a personal example…

Today, because my husband and I had a date, he missed his Martial Arts class. I get to choose the meaning I want to give to this.

Once upon a time I would have thought “He’s ALWAYS going to that damned class, so it’s no big deal…

It’s right that he should miss it to be with me”.

NOW I think: “Wow, I know how much he loves that class. How lucky am I that he’s choosing to be with me instead.”

One meaning creates expectations and entitlement and the other one makes me feel loved and special.

When I feel lucky, loved and special I show up HAPPY on our dates. We have a good time together, we laugh, it’s easy and playful.

This is why my husband misses his classes to be with me because he sees how much it lights me up!

So the meaning YOU give matters because it determines how you interact with your partner and that determines the kind of responses you get from THEM.

This is how you create a happy marriage / close friendship / great family dynamic etc.

Yoga homework!

This week, I invite you to work on HOW you see the meaning of others’ actions.

And to work on CHOOSING the meaning of kindness, generosity and love.

(Ps. Perhaps ALSO do some yoga…. 😉)

 

I’ll be joining you in this challenge!

While I’m quite bendy… I could use some extra practice in my reactivity to others’ actions.

So, let’s all practice OFF the mat together!

❤️

Credit where it’s due!

Thank you for your wisdom, Naomi!

If you want help with your relationship send Naomi an email at [email protected] to book a free phone consultation call.

P.S. You can download Naomi’s free guide with 5 skills for a happy marriage here.


I hope you enjoyed this mini blog. 🤓

I’d love to hear your views in comments below!

Jolanthe x

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Love, Jolanthe x